Understanding the cycle of a transition and our key choices, patterns and circumstances that have led us into various experiences can be valuable to ensure that we skillfully lay the foundation for our continuing evolution.
Many years ago, a mentor gave me something to consider that helped me to get out of a spin cycle of suffering. He said to me, “Insanity is repeating the same habit over and over again, but expecting different results.”
The tricky part to this is acknowledging the habits that create the stickiness in our life’s patterns. My mentor was able to reflect to me to the ways that some of my patterns were getting in the way of my intention of successful relationships. I was a conflict avoider, people pleaser, and couldn’t communicate my needs to people around me. It created a lot of misunderstanding, which in turn loaded much more work and suffering on my plate than I could handle. Inadvertently and unconsciously, I was creating the drama, chaos and suffering by the way I interacted with the experiences in my life.
Once I became aware of my patterns and triggers, I was able to slow down and make different choices in the moment.
Taking greater responsibility for where we find ourselves in the present moment, we may find it easier to navigate life’s current and future transitions. The first step for me in creating a successful foundation of change, was to even acknowledge what I was doing. And, at the same time, the awareness wasn’t enough. I wanted to know “why?” Why did I operate under the patterns that held me back from my deepest desires?
Those were pivotal questions that guided me on a journey into a deeper healing and new cycle of transformation. I traveled back as far as my birth, attempting to uncover the stories, lessons and conditioning that landed me in the tangled mess of miscommunicated and broken relationships.
I was adopted to my parents after my birth mother delivered me (I imagine without much support from her family or my biological father.) As a high school teenager, she was sent to live in an unwed mothers’ home until I was delivered. I was in the hospital and foster care for the first 2 months of my life. As I dove backwards in time to my story, I started to connect the dots and understand that I operated under a deeply ingrained belief that I am alone.
As I worked to untangle that belief and create a new pattern of belief that I can trust others to create mutual support, the new reality did not happen overnight. I went through pendulum swings of fierce independence and unbridled vulnerability. And, still today, I more easily recognize my core belief of “having to do everything on my own” when it triggers me to make decisions in times of challenge. It takes a pause and a recognition that I have choices and that to create a new way of being, I need to do things differently than I have been conditioned in the past.
If you acknowledge that you are in the midst of a life transition, and don’t want to recreate your own chaos and drama, consider the following perspectives as you navigate the waves of life.
- It all begins with intention. Maybe we recognize it, maybe we don’t, but the reality that we experience now began with past intentions that infused action (or inaction.) And, as we hope to create a new life, and move successfully through the transitions that happen daily, our clear intentions can be crucial in making the next best steps.
- Pause. In the pausing point, you have the ability to get clear about key facets of the moment. In the pause, noticing mental projections can be valuable in creating more successful actions and choices that align with your intention. Often times, our conditioned responses keep us in a comfort zone, and help us to repeat and deepen the patterns that keep us in the state of “insanity” (repeating the same actions but expecting different results.)
- Hold yourself accountable. A mantra of accountability that I use is: “It is because of the choices of my spirit, mind and circumstances that I have landed here.”
- When moving through a transition, recognize that this process involves surrender of a past way of doing something, past relationships, or even past identification with a role that no longer fits your future vision. It’s ok to grieve that loss as you make movement to your future reality. Give yourself permission to feel the feelings fully that come along with the transition.
- Be present and patient. As much as you want to get to the next place, observe what happens when you practice gratitude for where you are right now. In all of the transitions that I have navigated in life, I look back and wish that I would have given myself more opportunities to enjoy the moment that I was trying so hard to escape.
And, above all…enjoy the ride!
Join me for a distance learning opportunity that will guide you into your own successful transition. Radical Transitions in a Chaotic World 2.0 begins August 1, 2016. This 8 week class guides you through your own storyline and helps you consciously create new intentions and actions towards the life that your heart desires! For more information, check it out here: www.theradicaltransition.com.